We all do it, some of us even own up to it, but at the end of the day masturbation is as normal as hating Mondays, as healthy as a colonic, and as pleasurable as a co-ed pillow fight in a wet t-shirt factory.
Gentlemen, let’s address the elephant in the room—your one-man show, your five-fingered friend, the act that’s been around since the dawn of time and yet remains, much like your favourite superhero undies, somewhat taboo. Today, we’re diving deep into the world of male masturbation, or as we like to call it, “The Solo Symphony.”
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Historical Mastur-Teasers: The Chronicles of Self-Love
Masturbation, an age-old practice that has been both revered and shrouded in secrecy, has a rich history that spans across cultures and centuries. While contemporary discussions around self-pleasure often tread a fine line between humour and taboo, exploring the historical and cultural contexts of spanking the monkey reveals a fascinating tapestry of attitudes and beliefs.
In the classical world, the Greeks and Romans had a surprisingly open perspective on masturbation. Ancient Greek culture embraced the concept of self-love, considering it a normal and healthy part of life. Aristophanes, the celebrated playwright, even wrote a comedic play, Lysistrata, where the female characters abstain from sex to protest the Peloponnesian War, and a lone character is caught engaging in solo activities.
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The Romans, following in the footsteps of their Hellenistic predecessors, shared a relatively nonchalant attitude towards masturbation. Roman physicians, such as Galen, acknowledged the physiological benefits of sexual release, including stress reduction and improved sleep.
Thus began a yoyo-ing of perceptions on sexuality and taking matters into your own hands, as it were. As societal attitudes evolved during the Middle Ages, the pendulum swung towards more conservative views on sexuality. Influenced by religious doctrines and moralistic teachings, masturbation began to be perceived as sinful and morally reprehensible. Theologians like Saint Augustine condemned the act, associating it with lust and impurity.
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Then the Renaissance witnessed a resurgence of interest in classical knowledge, including a more open approach to sexuality and polishing the proverbial microphone. Artists like Michelangelo subtly incorporated erotic undertones into their masterpieces, challenging the prevailing prudishness of the time.
The Renaissance marked a subtle shift towards a more nuanced view of sexual expression that ended in the Victorian era, which ushered in a period of heightened prudishness and moral rigidity. ‘Flying solo’ was stigmatised as shameful and deviant behaviour and medical authorities even propagated dubious theories linking masturbation to physical and mental health issues, reinforcing a negative stigma that persisted well into the 20th century.
Cultural Variances: A Global Perspective
The 20th century brought about significant changes in societal attitudes towards sex, and masturbation emerged from the shadows. The sexual revolution of the 1960s challenged traditional norms, promoting a more open discussion about sexual practices, including engaging in a little DIY. With the advent of the internet, access to information further dismantled the remaining taboos surrounding the topic.
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Cultural attitudes toward masturbation continue to vary widely across the globe. While some societies maintain conservative views, others embrace a more open and accepting approach. In Japan, for instance, the Tenga masturbation aid has become a mainstream product, showcasing a level of acceptance that contrasts with the reserved attitudes in many Western cultures.
Reasons Why You Need to Slap the Salami
At the end of the day, masturbation is a very normal part of being an adult and, believe it or not, a very pleasurable experience that comes with a host of benefits. Here are some of our favourites.
Stress Relief – Because Adulting is Hard
In a world filled with deadlines, Zoom meetings, and the occasional existential crisis over choosing the right avocado at the supermarket, stress is inevitable. Enter masturbation, the ultimate stress-busting solution. It’s like a personal spa day for your mind and body, without the hefty bill.
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Sleep Better – Because Sheep Are Overrated
Struggling to catch those elusive Zs? Forget counting sheep and opt for a more enjoyable bedtime ritual. Masturbation releases endorphins, which are structurally similar to the drug morphine, and which are your body’s natural sleep aid. Shaking Hands with the Governor is the original lullaby for grown-ups, and no, you won’t need a bedtime story afterwards.
Immune System Boost – A Shield Against the Common Cold (and Karens)
Looking to fortify your defences against the sniffles and that colleague who insists on bringing tuna casserole to the office potluck? Masturbation might just be your superhero cape. Studies suggest that the immune system gets a boost post-O, making your solo sessions a true act of self-defence in a world increasingly plagued by bugs and pandemics.
Mood Enhancement – Because Smiling is Overrated
Had a rough day at the corporate coalface? The answer is at your fingertips, literally. Masturbation releases dopamine, the brain’s feel-good chemical, turning your frown upside down faster than a corgi meme. It’s cheaper than therapy, doesn’t require feedback, and technically counts as a daily workout.
Prostate Health – The “Check-Up” You’ll Actually Look Forward To
Alright, gents, let’s talk about the “P” word – prostate. Regular ejaculation has been linked to a decreased risk of prostate cancer – you can literally spank yourself to better health. So, consider your daily dose of self-love as a proactive step towards keeping your nether regions in tip-top shape.
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