It’s summer, the most popular dating season. Dominate that next first date like a gentleman with these essential first date rules.
Whether you met through friends, at the gym, on the bus or online, eventually you’ll have that first face-to-face meeting, which can often be a make-or-break moment. Despite our reliance on the internet and meeting digitally, we are hard-wired to make quick judgement calls when interacting with others in the real world, and those impressions can often be hard to shift. Fortunately, there are a few easy steps to follow to help you present your best self on that next first date.
READ: Your Bond-style Jet Awaits

Dress to Impress
Some of our most immovable impressions are based on how someone dresses when we meet them for the first time – no matter what we claim, we all judge books by their covers. As much as you might hate wearing a suit, or have been perfecting that just-out-of-bed bohemian persona, when it comes to a date, making an effort goes a long way. A study of 1.3 million online profiles by evolutionary psychologist Andrew George Thomas found that wealth was a major drawcard for women, especially when reviewing online dating profiles, and what men wear is often a clear indicator of their status.
READ: Drinking on the Darkside With Simone Rossi
Even if you don’t have the cash, looking the part does almost the same thing and this simply translates as wearing clothes that match or exude a sense of style and premeditation; grooming those fingernails and nose hairs; getting a haircut, and generally cleaning up your act.
In terms of style, you’ll have to make a call based on where your first date is – there’s no point wearing a sportcoat if you’re headed to the beach, but a stylish pair of board shorts, a clean pair of sneakers and some stylish shades will do wonders. If you’re headed to dinner in the city, wear dark, urban colours that accentuate your natural attributes, including shoulders and forearms. Remember, it’s better to overdress than underdress because it taps into what women want: men who are in control and are organised.

Choose the Locale
The location of the date can be a really important factor in the date’s success and the initial impression you give. While it might be tempting to choose a restaurant or bar that’s new and interesting, there’s also merit in choosing a destination you’re not only more familiar with but that’s also familiar with you. Head to a bar where the bartender knows you by sight and name, where you can feel comfortable, and where you know you’ll be treated well.
READ: A Smartwatch for Fitness Purists
Alternatively, if you’re not comfortable letting them into your favourite spots, choose a venue that’s not too loud, that has talking points (cocktail bars with innovative drinks are always good), and which you will both like – and there’s nothing wrong with asking her if she has preferences or aversions first. Remember, not everyone wants to go to a Sichuan private kitchen on the first date.

Be On Time
Remembering that women look for consistency, diligence, respect and discipline in their men (well, most women) being on time or even a few minutes early tells her you’re keen (but not too keen) and you’re organised and will allow her to infer that those characteristics can be found throughout your life. Being early also allows you to choose the best seat in the house, sus out the crowd, peruse the menu and settle any nerves.
However – and this is certainly the case in many parts of Asia – be prepared for her to be late, even assume she will be, and keep your impatience in check; you’ll get credit for your efforts if you do.

Put Your Phone Away
Unless you work remotely for NORAD or are an on-call emergency department doctor, your phone should stay firmly tucked away in your pocket, preferably with the DND feature on. This allows you to avoid distraction and sends a clear message to your date that they have your attention. Having the phone out, even if it’s facedown on the table, suggests there’s someone out there that’s more important. Of course, if you’re expecting a call, simply explain the situation and then keep the phone facedown on the table to avoid the temptation of picking it up.
Don’t Talk About Your Exes
Yes, we all have a past and yes those past experiences not only shape who we become but also what we are looking for in a partner, but there is nothing that’s going to either create uncomfortable tension or send you first-class to the friend zone quite like talking about your exes. You’re fellow datee isn’t interested in your sob stories and while they might want to know more about what transpired in your past if things progress between you, bringing up the past on a first date will make them feel like it’s an interview for your previous partner’s replacement. You’re on a date, which implies you’re ready to see new people, so why dredge up the past?

Acknowledge Awkwardness
No matter what a stud you might be or how charming you are, there are often awkward moments on a first date as two people size each other up, and the best way to deal with the elephant in the room is to address it, perhaps with a joke about awkward silences, or a quip about how hard dating has become. Your date will appreciate the effort and it will break the awkwardness and make further communication easier.
READ: IWC’s New Mark XX Pilot’s Watch
Be Honest
There’s always a temptation to embellish details of our lives when we’re trying to make a good impression with a complete stranger but remember, if things work out, inevitably those little white lies are going to be found out and you’re going to end up with egg on your face.
At the same time, it’s important to be honest about what you’re looking for, especially if neither of you are spring chickens. There’s is nothing wrong with mentioning you’re looking to start a family one day, or that you travel a lot for work and want someone that is independent – they might not be looking for the same thing but at least you’re giving them the info they need to make an informed decision.

Make Eye Contact
There is nothing as potent as direct eye contact, especially from someone that you’re attracted to, and while we’re not suggesting you stare your date into discomfort, the eyes are a powerful weapon in your armoury and one that a lot of guys – especially those lacking in confidence – forget to deploy. Look at her when she’s speaking, let her catch you looking at her and then look away a little bashfully, and even remark at how striking her eyes are so that you get that moment of lock-on.
READ: This Equic Tequila Travel Adventure Awaits
Listen More Than You Talk
Women love to talk about themselves and most will, willingly, if given a little nudge in the right direction. Ask open-ended questions – for example, “How did you get into that line of work” – and follow up with emotional-based questions or leading statements – “Wow, that must feel very rewarding” – that show you’re listening, and you’ll have all the info you need on what she likes, doesn’t like, and hopes for right there in front of you.

Remain Yourself
Remember you’re there to see if there’s chemistry and that’s not going to be clear if you go into the date being someone that you’re not or willing to capitulate to make them like you. Instead, be the best version of yourself and if your date sends things in a direction that makes you uncomfortable or enters territory that might prove controversial, don’t be afraid to gently push back. Don’t reward manipulative or bad behaviour just because you’re on a date and don’t try to become someone else just to be polite – it will only end in tears.
For more Society stories click here.
LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? FOLLOW ALPHA MEN ASIA ON FACEBOOK, OR INSTAGRAM AND SUBSCRIBE TO OUR HONG KONG-CENTRIC NEWSLETTER HERE