Slow your roll before you judge too harshly when surfing online dating sites, says love guru Ariadna Peretz, you don’t know what you might be missing out on.
Once upon a time, I thought, on a scale of 1 to 10, I was an 8. On a very good day (like my wedding) I was a full-on 10 and on a bad day (like when I’m super sick or hungover) a 4. Never lower.
But then I started noticing the Brazilian models at my gym who, even when sweating and not wearing make-up, were still stunning. They’re literally 10s wearing Lululemon and doing supersets, so imagine them on their wedding day. They’d probably be a 15 on a scale of 1 to 10.
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That’s when I realized when I’m giving myself an 8 out of 10, I’m rating myself on my own personal scale. On my wedding day I was a 10 out of 10 on my personal scale and when I’ve got the flu I’m a 4 out of 10 on my personal scale.
I will never be a real 10 out of 10 when I consider the real scale on which you’ll find the most beautiful women on the planet. Between those Brazilian models at the top and <insert the ugliest person you know> at the bottom, realistically speaking, I’m just a 5.
Don’t worry, this epiphany didn’t crush my ego. I still think of myself as an 8 out of 10 because I will continue rating myself on my own personal scale and so will my friends and family. In fact, anyone who knows (and likes) me will always rate me on my personal scale, the one that has wedding Ariadna at the top and hungover Ariadna at the bottom.
When it comes to online dating, the people who are rating me haven’t had the chance to know and like me yet. They look at a photo of me without any context of who I am and – guess what – they will not rate me on my personal scale but on a much greater scale where chances are, there will be some beautiful Brazilians whose 10/10 beauty will make me look mediocre at best.
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I can’t complain because I’m no saint either…I will do exactly the same to people whose photos I view but whose personalities, challenges, and histories I know nothing about.
And, you know what? So will you.
This is the inherent unfairness of online dating. In the Age of Swiping, we are too quick to pass judgment on a person’s ability to satisfy our romantic desires. We base our decision after a few moments looking at their online photos and maybe a cursory glance at their bio. We draw our conclusion almost 100 percent based on their looks, which means the super-hot get the great majority of right swipes and everyone else gets slim pickings.
Be the change you want to see in the (online dating) world: Slow down and give women a chance, even if they’re not as smoking as you want.
Here are some tips on how to tackle the inherent unfairness of online dating: when you see a photo of someone, remind yourself that you’re not seeing the whole picture; if you consider someone is a 6 out of 10, add two more points. I promise you they will become better looking to you the more you get to know and like them.
Expect people to not consider you as good looking as you think you are. This is because they can’t see the whole picture, and are judging you on a greater scale (that includes Brazilian models at the top). Also, give a chance to those who don’t look like your ‘type’ as you may be very pleasantly surprised. The idea is if you can be less knee-jerky to people’s photos you will find yourself with a larger pool of promising matches.
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This may sound completely unrealistic but think back to the first time you met each and every one of your past Significant Others and remember that it wasn’t always love at first sight. In fact, in many cases we found them to not fit your ideal of attractiveness and it was with time that you saw the beauty in their flaws and fell in love.
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