Meeting on the web is great, but online dating doesn’t replace a good old-fashioned face-to-face encounter, says romance guru Ariadna Peretz.
A lot of people who use dating apps to find a Significant Other tend to forget something crucial: Online dating isn’t an end in and of itself. Online dating is means to an end. And what’s that end? An offline date. A lot of people seem to have forgotten that. Don’t be one of them.
Rest assured you are not winning at online dating if you’re matching with everyone you’ve swiped right on. You are definitely not winning at online dating if you have so many conversations going on you can’t remember who said what. And you’re 100 percent not winning at online dating if you have been chatting with someone for more than a week and neither of you has taken the initiative to set up a date.
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This is, in fact, how you lose at online dating.
The way you win is simple. Knowing what qualities you want your future Significant Other to have; match/chat only with the people who have those qualities; and meet them in real life – IRL to those in the know – and get to know them.
It’s only through IRL dates you can experience each other fully and figure out if you have the necessary ingredients (i.e. chemistry and compatibility) for something to develop.
Ideally, you will schedule a date within a week of matching online because you don’t want to text for too long – it can give you a sense of false chemistry that won’t translate IRL and you will feel disappointed and let down because you’ve wasted your finite bandwidth on something that didn’t pan out.
Understandably, we in Asia are very busy people so it can be hard to find a time that will work for both parties within that first week. In this case, don’t focus on dinner or drinks. Suggest breakfast, lunch or a mid-afternoon coffee if you work in similar areas. If you’re both out of town I suggest doing a 15-minute Skype call.
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Is that crazy? Maybe. But it’s worth it because Skyping will get several things out of the way, including proving to you that this person is real (there are so many scammers out there!). You will also know if the photos they’ve used on their profiles are legit, and show how interested in meeting they really are, allowing you to better determine the chemistry if any. If it goes well, you’ll both find it easier to be flexible with your schedules.
Obviously, treat the Skype session like a date – keep your work clothes on, touch up your hair and tidy the background a little. You may decide the person you’re chatting with isn’t what you expected, doesn’t have the intention of meeting you, or that there’s just no chemistry. When that happens, say a polite goodbye and move on. There are plenty of wonderful and compatible people in Asia for you so make sure you don’t get hung up on the wrong ones. Focus on the right ones and make sure you meet them IRL. That’s how you win.
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