Found yourself a little lost after a breakup? There are a right way and a wrong way moving on if you want to come out the other end relatively unscathed. Here’s how.
Putting yourself out there is always a struggle. That’s why the debate on whether it’s better to love or be loved carries on today. With all the joy, pleasure, and fulfilment, love brings sadness, pain, and emptiness when it ends; there are few events in a man’s life that bring enormous pain, and one of the most painful is losing the one you love.
Whether you’re the breaker or ‘breakee’ doesn’t take away the pain of experiencing a breakup. The reality of it is: breakups are tough, no matter the gender.
Even after processing the breakup, you still have to go through the long, arduous journey of moving on. It’s a rite of passage for anyone who has been in a relationship. Some say it’s the only way you can start a new relationship without hurting your new partner because of unresolved issues you may have carried along with you.
Here at Alpha Men Asia, we want to help you understand some truths about the unpleasant and painful concept of moving on. Breeze through the process by reading through our learned truths.
You Don’t Have to Pretend You’re Alright
As a man, you may have been raised in a society that rarely condones expressing your emotions. You may have heard of the ill-advised saying “boys don’t cry”, which not only enforces dangerous gender stereotypes but also robs men like you of the chance to express your emotions adequately. This is harmful because studies show that suppressing your feelings endangers your health and well-being, both physically and psychologically. So, let those feelings out.
You don’t always have to pretend you’re alright. If you’re uncomfortable with opening up to your friends, you can always talk to a counsellor. If that’s not an option for you either, find another outlet. Consider having a good cry in the comfort of your home. If that’s not your style, maybe hitting up the gym more often than usual might help. Feeling these painful emotions allows you to process them healthily. Don’t bottle them up; breakups are painful, so let yourself feel. It’s the only way to truly start moving on.
Having a Rebound Is Not the Answer
Involving another person when you’re not ready yet isn’t the answer. Although having a rebound may be tempting, don’t do it. You’ll only be dragging another person into your mess when you haven’t even fully healed from the first one. If you don’t control yourself and give in to the urge of dating again or engaging in a string of one-night stands, the high of it all will wear off quickly, and you’ll find yourself feeling even worse than when you started.
You’ll also be carrying the weight of another person’s feelings on your conscience if you end up hurting them. No self-respecting gentleman would ever play with another woman’s feelings for his own benefit, so as tempting as it might be, steer clear of anything ‘involved’. As corny as this saying is, healing does begin from within. Don’t look for salvation in another person because the only person who can save you is yourself.
You Painstakingly Work on Yourself
The essence of moving on is learning to live without another person and being okay with yourself. Take yourself out for a movie or restaurant date, go drinking with your wingmen, or watch a game by yourself or with your buddies at work. Everyone has a different coping strategy, so if these practices don’t fly with you, you can always try something else. Just keep in mind that it has to be a healthy outlet, otherwise, you can end up with an addiction, rebound relationship, or a mental health problem. Neither is ideal for healing your ego and sense of self.
Indulging in a hobby is another way you can work on yourself. Filling in the void that comes with parting with someone you love can be challenging, which is why finding a hobby or activity that you genuinely enjoy is crucial in the first few months of your ‘moving on’ journey.
The truth is, moving on isn’t easy, and it differs from man to man. Your pal could get over a year-long relationship in a month, while your other friends may take longer for a shorter relationship. The process of moving on is different for everyone, so you shouldn’t compare your situation to anyone else.
Moving on is hard, so you should cut yourself some slack. Just focus your energies on relearning how to be okay with yourself before you can genuinely say you’ve fully recovered. The reward comes later when you finally realize you’re your own man and can stand on your own.
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