Before you fling yourself into the online dating world, let’s have a serious chat about your dating bio.
In the digital age, online dating has become a mainstay for finding love and companionship. However, our online dating profiles reveal more than just our favourite hobbies and best selfies—they offer a window into our insecurities, desires, and the personas we wish to project. Understanding what your profile says about you can lead to more genuine and successful connections.
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“They say ‘You never get a second chance to make a first impression’ and that’s particularly true in online dating,” says Hong Kong-based dating and relationship coach Valentina Tudose. “Doom scrolling has become so automated that most people barely even register 90% of the information they see on the screen. So your dating profile must stand out from the blur.”
She suggests you approach your dating app profile like it’s a personal marketing campaign because a well-crafted profile can significantly increase your chances of attracting compatible matches and finding meaningful connections.
“If you’ve done a good job of cutting through the fog with an interesting picture (or 6) and stirred the viewers’ attention enough not to end up in the ’hell no’ (i.e. swipe left) bucket, you now only have a few seconds to give them a reason to say hello.”
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Unmasking Insecurities
When creating an online dating profile, it’s natural to feel like you’re as exposed as a streaker on Wyndham Street, and you’ll naturally want to put your best digital foot forward. However, the choices we make—whether it’s the photos we select or the details we highlight—often reflect deeper insecurities. What we put in a bio (and often what we leave out) can be very telling, and like a job interview, eventually, you’re going to have to turn up in person and prove you can do the job that over-stacked CV claims you can so tread lightly if you want to have maximum impact.
The Perfect Photo Album
If your profile is filled with perfectly curated photos, it may suggest a desire to project a flawless image – and despite what your mother always told you, no one’s perfect. This desire to showcase ourselves in the best possible light (and let’s be honest, it’s the fuel that runs social media) can actually stem from insecurities about your appearance or a fear of not being accepted for who you truly are.
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Instead, purge your inner influencer and include a mix of both high-quality (i.e. posed) and candid photos. Show yourself in different contexts—hobbies, casual outings, and special occasions. Show your thoughtful side, your relatable side and your social side (but not too much of anyone). This paints a more accurate and relatable picture of your life.
“Remember a picture paints 1000 words,” says Tudose. “Stay away from group photos (she doesn’t want to have to guess which one is you), exotic animals like tigers and snakes (no, it doesn’t make you look more manly) and pictures with guns.”
“Your first photo is the equivalent of the first glance in each other’s eyes when you meet in real life. It needs eye contact and a little smile. This tells our primate brains that the other person is safe, and safety creates a connection.”
Tudose says women naturally want a man who can make them feel safe, but none of them is thinking there’s going to be a zombie apocalypse anytime soon. “Last but not least, show your face without sunglasses, helmets, the back of your head or where you’re so far away from the lens your head is the size of a pin. Dating apps work on a split-second attraction signal in the brain, and if she has to engage her ‘detective skills, ’ you’ve already lost her.”
The Overachiever Bio
Here’s where a lot of lads get lost in the online dating black hole. Listing every accomplishment and accolade can indicate a need for validation and approval, and few women want to take on the role of your personal cheerleader. A bio as fat on accomplishment as a kid after mooncake season might suggest that you measure your worth by your achievements rather than who you are as a person.
“You would not go to a networking meeting handing strangers your five-page resume right? Your dating profile is your business card – it only needs to give people a reason to find out more, so don’t bore them with the details,” says Tudose. “While it is true finding the right partner is similar to recruiting the best candidate for a job, in dating it is less about achievements (i.e. being perfect) and more about being compatible and attractive (which means being flexible and fun).”
She suggests instead to ask your friends what they think your best three qualities are and to focus on those. And while it’s great to showcase your accomplishments, balance these glowing accolades with personal interests and values. Share what excites you, your passions, and what you’re looking for in a partner.
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Revealing Desires & Wants
Our profiles often reflect what we’re looking for in a partner, but they can also reveal deeper desires and hopes for the future, so perhaps not mention your preference for former South Korean beach volleyball champs. A detailed list of must-have qualities might reveal your high standards and specific desires, and while there’s nothing wrong with being picky (no one’s fishing for a 4 here), it can be interpreted as inflexibility and a fear of compromise, and you’ll be swiped left faster than Trump signs executive orders.
Instead of a rigid checklist, try focusing on the core values and traits that are important to you (without being offensive). Mentioning what you appreciate and respect in another’s personality can attract like-minded individuals without seeming overly demanding. This will just make nature’s filtration process all the more efficient and ensure you’re not having to endure coffee with the psychotic, self-indulgent or somnolent.
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The Adventurous Persona
Showcasing a life full of adventure and excitement can indicate a genuine love for new experiences (and who doesn’t like those?), but it might also be a way to mask a fear of intimacy or commitment.
Instead, it’s best to balance your adventurous side with insights into your everyday life and what you enjoy during quieter moments – after all, we can’t always be climbing mountains in Norway, racing Porches across the Sahara, or parasailing in the Dolomites and the ladies do love their couch ‘n’ cuddle time as well as being whisked off on exotic trips. Balancing the aspects of your personality that you present helps potential matches see a well-rounded and approachable person – again, it’s all about you spending more time getting to know the right people.
“A good profile provides conversation starters, making it easier for potential matches to reach out and engage with you,” says Tudose. “Making the first step is often the hardest part, so why not make it easy for others?”
Striving for Authenticity
Authenticity is key to forming meaningful connections (if those are what you’re looking for). Here’s how to ensure your online dating profile reflects the real you:
Use Honest Photos: Avoid overly edited or misleading photos. Opt for recent pictures that accurately represent how you look. Authenticity in your visual presentation builds trust from the outset, and turning up to a date with half the hair and double the waistline will leave feelings of dishonesty in their mouths from moment one.
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Be Sincere in Your Bio: Write your profile as if you’re having a conversation with a friend. Use humour, share anecdotes, and don’t be afraid to show (a little) vulnerability. Honesty about your strengths and flaws makes you relatable, genuine and also accessible – remember, the ladies have doubts and insecurities too, so easing those will make things a lot smoother.
“The description is not your chance to tell your life story – no one cares at this point,” says Tudose. “The only goal here is to create enough intrigue so that the reader wants to discover more.
Communicate Clearly: When describing what you’re looking for, be clear yet open-minded. Avoid vague statements and instead express what you value in a relationship and why, or if you’re even looking for one. This invites potential matches who resonate with your true self – someone who responds to “Here for a good time, not a long time” is already on the same page as you, so there won’t be any (or at least less) uncomfortable conversations later.
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Reflect Your True Interests: Instead of listing generic interests, delve into specifics. You might want to share the books that changed your perspective, the hobbies that you’re passionate about, and the experiences that shaped you. We’re not saying list every beach clean-up you were roped into or every life-changing weekend trip to Pattaya you enjoyed; just stick to those experiences that are in keeping with the “you” of today and which will probably linger into tomorrow. This creates a more engaging and authentic profile and, again, less filtering.
“Your profile is an opportunity to ‘screen out’ unsuitable matches, so yes, do include specifics of what you want so that those who are aligned with your desires feel that connection and get in touch,” says Tudose.
Now that you’re all set with a stellar dating profile and have all the info you need to be a dating dynamo, get out there and show the world what you’re made of. We believe in you!
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