Troy Nankervis discovers the mental and physical reset he needed among the men’s circles, breathwork sessions, and boxing classes of Bali.
The hairs on my neck stand as I sit cross-legged with seven other men, all strangers. Geckos click in the corners of an open-air studio, and the evening air in Ubud is warm and still.
We go around the circle popcorn style, finishing the sentence, “I judge other men when…”. I say something safe. Across from me, a Spaniard speaks next, and his words are more charged. My throat tightens. The room feels heavier, and I know he’s touched something I’ve been avoiding.
Time to Open Up
Anthony, our facilitator, asks if anyone’s holding back. The room stops and I open up. Like a dam breaking, two decades of resentment pour out. When we close, my hands shake. I feel rattled and embarrassed, yet lighter. Among these men, I know that I’m in the right place.
I didn’t come to Ubud on a cloud. After years in busy newsrooms, living on caffeine and deadlines, my body finally had enough. I remember during that first week, all I did was sleep off the burnout.
Across Asia, and especially in Bali, men’s circles are part of a growing wellness movement. Remote workers, new fathers, founders, and creatives are coming together to slow down and talk about what’s real. The setup is simple. Clear structure, honest conversation, and a shared understanding to show up, tell the truth, and listen.
In Ubud, circles often pair with breathwork, ice baths, or movement. The goal isn’t catharsis for its own sake – it’s connection, clarity, and momentum you can take back into your life.
Finding Connection in the Calm
With no budget for glossy all-inclusive retreats, I built my own DIY version, first booking a homestay with a Balinese family south of town. I then, for the most part, simply decided each morning what I needed most that day.
This included yin at the Yoga Barn, sound healing at the Pyramids of Chi, and rotating from sauna to cold plunge at Titi Batu, a day club that doubles as a fitness hub.
My anchor was Let’s Get Lost, a studio offering breathwork training and 1:1 sessions. Every Tuesday evening, I rode my scooter through the rice fields of nearby Petulu to their men’s circle, a format inspired by Carl Jung’s archetypes and the Arka Brotherhood.
Our “squad” was varied but familiar. A new father struggling to connect with his son. A musician still seething from a breakup, and a divorcee navigating custody. My thread was all around identity. Who was I without my job?
Each week we set small, practical commitments. No one cared if I missed one, we just talked about what got in the way, and I found that mix of honesty and support really helped.
One on One Healing
Halfway through, I booked a private session with Anthony. Setting and facilitator matter. After setting a clear intention, he guided me through holotropic breathwork. My mind floated between waking and dreaming. Old heaviness lifted, not in fireworks but in quiet waves.
It was movement that grounded the rest. At Ubud Warrior Fight Club, rain leaked through the roof during tropical storms, which was part of the charm. I laced up 12-ounce gloves and went 10 rounds on the heavy bag. The coaches were tough and the humidity was brutal. Between rounds, sweat pooling at my elbows, I noticed I hadn’t checked my phone in an hour. Small wins add up.
Why These Circles Are Gaining Traction
In Ubud, a few things make men’s circles really shine. Routine helps. Meeting every week gives life shape and structure. It’s also affordable. You can put together your own retreat without spending much. And while most men come looking for tools, many stay for the friendships. In a transient place where everyone’s passing through, that kind of consistency matters.
Four weeks later, I finished where I started, back on the studio floor with the same men. They held a simple farewell ceremony, assuming I’d never return. The parting advice was simple: don’t go back to the busyness that undid you.
Stereotypes suggest men’s work embodies hyper masculinity, confessionals, screaming, and too much eye contact. Wellness marketing can be worse, both aspirational and expensive. It’s no wonder Julia Roberts became the face of it in Ubud.
Yet my real breakthroughs came in the quieter moments. I discovered that slowing let me find a rhythm to meet life authentically, instead of outrunning it.
In Ubud, I also learned that connection takes practice. The circle helped me speak honestly and listen without fixing. I was not ”fully healed”, but this was never the goal.
Instead, I left with two things that still guide me: tell the truth kindly, and keep your word. Everything else grows from there.
How to Choose a Men’s Retreat
Facilitator: Look for someone who creates a safe, honest space but knows when to challenge.
Setting: Bali, Thailand, and Southeast Asia balance nature, culture, and value.
Approach: Pick programs with breathwork, movement, and reflection time.
Group dynamic: Smaller, consistent groups build trust and accountability.
Price: Budget retreats: HKD $2.5K–$4K for a few days. Premium: HKD $15K–$30K per week. My DIY month in Bali cost HKD $15K (flights, homestay, weekly sessions)
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