If the euphoria of falling in love is pop music’s #1 topic then the anguish of breaking up has to be #2. It’s as painful as going through drug withdrawal, rarely clean-cut, and affects every aspect of our life. But there are ways to ease the anguish, says dating guru Ariadna Peretz.
Breaking up is never easy, even if it ends with a hug and a promise to always be friends on Facebook. Then there’s getting dumped. It’s all the bad stuff of a regular break up but your ego gets crushed as a bonus. It fucking sucks.
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It usually doesn’t take long for the sadness to morph into anger and it’s hard not to want to get back at your-previously-better-half. You know, exact a little revenge. People like to say “the best revenge is living well” but when you’ve been dumped sometimes you feel like something a bit more tangible is à propos. Like proving to them you’re “winning” the breakup.
Is that how you feel? Do you hate them and want to give them a taste of their own medicine? Do you want to show them they’re the real loser here and you’re the winner? If that’s the case then I’m sorry but it really is best to stick to “the best revenge is living well” because…it kind of is.
Planning how to make your former flame feel like shit is only going to make you feel worse and lying to them about the pain disrespects your healing process. Here’s the thing: There is no winner or loser and breaks up aren’t for winning. They’re for learning. And enduring. But, most of all, learning.
So while I don’t have suggestions on how to “win” the break up per se I do have some ideas on how to get over it and make the most of it.
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Take a break from long-term/committed relationships. I get way too many people messaging me within a week of their break-up asking me to introduce them to their future soul mate. Not going to happen. Now is the time to focus on you. This is when you do all the necessary introspection so that your next relationship is more successful than the previous.
Figure out which relationships have been good for you and brought out the best in you and which have been bad for you and brought out the worst. You can use my past dating patterns worksheet to sort out your thoughts.
Another word of advice is to stay away from your ex. Don’t kid yourself about what might have been, and if you’re struggling, there are apps that can help give your willpower resolve as 3 am comes near.
It’s also important not to disconnect from your friends, family, and the things that are important to you when you’re going through a breakup, no matter how it ended. Your social capital will give your life meaning and purpose, which is what you need to stay resilient.
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Believe it or not but reading can also help the healing process. This article in Fast Company says, “Reading can offer richer, broader, and more complex models of experience, which enable people to view their own lives from a refreshed perspective and with renewed understanding…This renewed understanding gives readers a greater ability to cope with difficult situations by expanding their repertoires and sense of possible avenues of action or attitude.”
If you want to come out looking like a winner, and don’t want to burn bridges you’ve not even had a chance to cross yet, don’t mope on social media. Delete and block your ex on all accounts and show the world only your strong, confident gentleman side – because people will be watching and judging.
Above all, live your best life. I know, I know, so cliché but it’s true. Go out and be fucking amazing.
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